forever in my heart.

Well I have so much blogging to catch up on, but I have also had some serious stuff going on and I felt silly just pretending it didn't happen because I felt I did need to address it. On June 22nd, I lost my dear Grandpa and Uncle Laurie in a horrific car accident, my dear grandma was in the front right seat and managed to survive, she is a living miracle and I praise god she is still here with our family.  I won't go into any other details about the accident but my entire family was and still is flooded with grief, the news was so shocking and some days it feels like its been forever since I saw them last and in other ways it still doesn't feel real. My heart hurts for my grandma who now has lost both of her sons in her life time and now her husband plus of course countless of other important people in her life, her parents, siblings etc. Even though as you get you older I guess it must become a norm to lose people but the thought of having to lose your children seems to much to bare. Everyone is hurting badly, I can't name all the people that are just tore up and heart broken over this, its been hard on myself my husband and my children of course as well. But I don't want to focus on the pain, I want to be thankful for the fact that I lived until I was 25 with a wonderful grandpa and uncle, not everyone gets that long, and that my dear grandma is still here! The first day I visited her, she said to me, oh this is awful and painful and so sad but my dear think of all the other people who have it much worse than us, her saying that struck a cord in my heart, how in the midst of a tragedy can she still remain positive and think of others, and she is right, there are so many awful things in the world I will rejoice for my living family, and my faith and all the beautiful things in this world and life I have experienced and will experience. During this time I've had down moments, depressed moments even angry moments but there's been a quiet stillness in my heart I have also felt, when I've been alone and able to take a breath I feel it there, my sorrow is deep but I know if I have the strength and stillness to dig that much deeper I will find the everlasting peace in my soul that god put there. I have had some beautiful walks alone in fishcreek where I have sat on the ground and haven't felt a gust of wind or sound, just beautiful fluttering of 3 butterflies surround me, I have seen butterflies everywhere I go this past week and I thank god for his beautiful earthly signs and feelings that speak to me. I have also had many special talks with Lincoln regarding heaven and all the special people we have up there, and how wonderful it must be for them up there, eternally at peace. I know all my passed on love ones are far better off than we are, and that its much harder for us here on earth and in a way that gives me peace. I have so many beautiful memories of my uncle, since I was a baby and I grew up around him as he lived only a neighbourhood away from me so he has been a strong part of my life, and of course my grandparents, I have always been close to them my whole life, my grandpa was a strong willed stubborn man but even though he had a hard exterior to be honest I never got that, being the baby of the family I always got doted on by him (all my cousins and family) and he was always tickling me, hugging me, supporting me and loving me. I am so grateful my children got to meet them and have so many fun times with them. I am so proud of where I come from, the family I am apart of and in times of need every single one them has been here. Grandpa and Uncle you will forever live on through your children and you both will live on forever in my heart. 

 I wanted to share this picture of my Uncle cuddling me when I was a baby :) 

I wanted to share this picture of my Uncle cuddling me when I was a baby :) 

 I also love this picture of my grandpa with my cute little baby Autumn 

I also love this picture of my grandpa with my cute little baby Autumn